CHESS JOKES (Part 2)
(Special request of Tito Cabunagan)
Compiled by Roberto Hernandez
LUCKY ISMAEL
A plane crashed into the ocean and all but seven of its passengers survived. Six of them are contestants of the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant. The other survivor is Ismael, the chess Grandmaster from Israel.
They were able to swin their way to an isolated island and started to live with fruits and other available food that they can get. They also made some SOS signs at the beachfront.
In the third week, the beauties made a decision that each day, one of them will sleep with Ismael.
The lucky Ismael have a daily dose of international beauty. But after a few weeks, Ismael don't have the "appetite" anymore as he has only one day off (Sunday) from the ladies. He wish that another guy could make his week not as hectic as it is now.
Maybe his prayer is answered as another plane crashed and it has only one survivor. He saw him swimming to the island.
He jumped with joy as he saw another masculine figure coming out of the water.
BUT TO HIS DISMAY,
THE MAN IS GAY AND NOW HE DON'T HAVE A SUNDAY OFF!!!
FAVORITE FRUITS
An International Master asked Dr. Max Euwe why is it that he can't get all the vitamins and nutrients from the fruits that he is eating.
Dr. Euwe asked him if he takes off the skin of the fruit when he is eating it.
The IM said, " When I eat apple, I use a knife to take off the skin before eating it. The same thing I did to guava, kiwi, pear and even strawberry."
Dr. Euwe finally realized the problem and advised the IM with this advise: "Almost all fruits have its nutrients in the skin so don't peel off its skin when eating it, just wash it thoroughly. "
"By the way," Dr. Euwe asked the IM, "WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE FRUITS?"
The IM answered, "JACKFRUIT AND COCONUT" !!!
ONLY ONE
The same doctor was asked by the IM about the cough syrup that he will have to take because of his severe cough especially during bedtime.
Dr. Euwe said, "You take TWO teaspoons of this cough syrup before going to bed."
The IM said, "But Doctor, we only have ONE teaspooon in our house!"
ONE AND ONLY
A Candidate Master wants to buy a Valentine's card for his girlfriend. The saleslady of the bookstore helps him in choosing the card that fits his taste of words written on it.
After 15 minutes, finally the saleslady showed him a Valentine's card that says: "TO MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE".
The CM said, "OKAY, GIVE ME TEN (10) OF THAT!!!"
HE WANTS TO BUY A CONDOM
When condom was first being sold at drugstores, there are some confusions when buying it.
A National Master from the Philippines go to the drugstore to buy condom. He asked the cashier, "Can I buy condom?"
The cashier asked him also, "What size?"
The confused NM said, "I don't know."
The cashier tells him and pointed him to a room, "Okay, there is a plywood there. It has many holes of different sizes. You put your "tutu" there to know your size."
The NM go to the room and put his "tutu" to a hole where he thinks is his size.
BUT THERE IS A GAY BEHIND THE PLYWOOD!
When he goes back to the cashier, he asked, "HOW MUCH IS THE PLYWOOD?"
(Special request of Tito Cabunagan)
Compiled by Roberto Hernandez
LUCKY ISMAEL
A plane crashed into the ocean and all but seven of its passengers survived. Six of them are contestants of the Miss Universe Beauty Pageant. The other survivor is Ismael, the chess Grandmaster from Israel.
They were able to swin their way to an isolated island and started to live with fruits and other available food that they can get. They also made some SOS signs at the beachfront.
In the third week, the beauties made a decision that each day, one of them will sleep with Ismael.
The lucky Ismael have a daily dose of international beauty. But after a few weeks, Ismael don't have the "appetite" anymore as he has only one day off (Sunday) from the ladies. He wish that another guy could make his week not as hectic as it is now.
Maybe his prayer is answered as another plane crashed and it has only one survivor. He saw him swimming to the island.
He jumped with joy as he saw another masculine figure coming out of the water.
BUT TO HIS DISMAY,
THE MAN IS GAY AND NOW HE DON'T HAVE A SUNDAY OFF!!!
FAVORITE FRUITS
An International Master asked Dr. Max Euwe why is it that he can't get all the vitamins and nutrients from the fruits that he is eating.
Dr. Euwe asked him if he takes off the skin of the fruit when he is eating it.
The IM said, " When I eat apple, I use a knife to take off the skin before eating it. The same thing I did to guava, kiwi, pear and even strawberry."
Dr. Euwe finally realized the problem and advised the IM with this advise: "Almost all fruits have its nutrients in the skin so don't peel off its skin when eating it, just wash it thoroughly. "
"By the way," Dr. Euwe asked the IM, "WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE FRUITS?"
The IM answered, "JACKFRUIT AND COCONUT" !!!
ONLY ONE
The same doctor was asked by the IM about the cough syrup that he will have to take because of his severe cough especially during bedtime.
Dr. Euwe said, "You take TWO teaspoons of this cough syrup before going to bed."
The IM said, "But Doctor, we only have ONE teaspooon in our house!"
ONE AND ONLY
A Candidate Master wants to buy a Valentine's card for his girlfriend. The saleslady of the bookstore helps him in choosing the card that fits his taste of words written on it.
After 15 minutes, finally the saleslady showed him a Valentine's card that says: "TO MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE".
The CM said, "OKAY, GIVE ME TEN (10) OF THAT!!!"
HE WANTS TO BUY A CONDOM
When condom was first being sold at drugstores, there are some confusions when buying it.
A National Master from the Philippines go to the drugstore to buy condom. He asked the cashier, "Can I buy condom?"
The cashier asked him also, "What size?"
The confused NM said, "I don't know."
The cashier tells him and pointed him to a room, "Okay, there is a plywood there. It has many holes of different sizes. You put your "tutu" there to know your size."
The NM go to the room and put his "tutu" to a hole where he thinks is his size.
BUT THERE IS A GAY BEHIND THE PLYWOOD!
When he goes back to the cashier, he asked, "HOW MUCH IS THE PLYWOOD?"
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