(Photo by Roberto Hernandez)
CHESS JOKES (Part 7)
HALF DEAD
When Palau Open Chess Team played IPCA in the 2nd round of 2014 World Chess Olympiad in Norway, Roberto is playing against Russian IM Andrei Obudchuk, who is playing while sitting after getting off a wheel chair. Roberto remembers when he had a conversation with a guy on a wheel chair, who said “It’s the most difficult part in one’s life to have your body “half dead”.
Roberto asked, “Is it because you can’t have sex anymore?”
He said, “No! It’s because I can’t buy half casket!”
DOCTOR, GRANDMASTER AND BOXER
There’s a triplet (boys) inside the womb of their mother and they are talking about what would be their profession when they grow up.
The first one said, “I would like to be a doctor and I would take care of our parents when they grow old.”
The second one replied with, “I would like to be a chess Grand Master like our dad, who almost won the world championship.”
The 3rd one’s reply makes the other two wondering, “I would like to be a boxer like Manny Pacquiao!” The other 2 asked why.
He said, “So that I can fight the ‘bald’ guy who keeps punching us!”
FIRST TIME IN ELEVATOR
There are 2 amateur chess players from the province who qualified for national championship. They have to travel by ship and bus to get to the venue in the city.
The venue is a 5-star 18-storey building. They need to use the elevator. Both of them are first timers in using an elevator.
The older one pretends that it’s not his first time in an elevator. The other one is nervous and ask him, “How much we will pay for this ride?”
He replied angrily, “Stupid! Moron! Why would we pay? We don’t have receipt yet!”
MILITARY DAD WITH A GAY SON
It’s very embarrassing for a tough military guy to have a gay son. His other 3 sons became a soldier, an architect and an International Master in chess. The youngest one is presumed to be gay.
The father got an idea on how to ‘convert’ his son to a real manhood.
He brings him to the river for a swim. In the deeper part of the river, he holds the head of his gay son by the hair and dipped it to the water for 30 seconds. He is still gasping for breath when his dad shouted at him—“Are you a man or a woman?”
He replied “Woman!” His father dipped him again to the water, this time for 1 minute.
He asked the same question and he answered the same although barely saying it because of gasping for breath.
For the 3rd time, the father dipped him again to the water for 2 minutes!
The poor boy has drunk a lot of water. His father asked him one more time—
“Are you a man or a woman?”
She answered—“Mermaid!”
Sources: Chess Mate by Roberto Hernandez
Tia Belau Newspaper
December 29, 2002 --June 04, 2017
Chess and Music (Perfect Combination)
The Beginning of Chess in Palau
By Roberto Hernandez
Soon to be published as a book
Music and Me by Roberto Hernandez
Tia Belau Newspaper
March 15, 2012 -- April 18, 2013
http://palau-chess.blogspot.com
April 25, 2013--June 04, 2017
The History of Chess in Palau
By Roberto Hernandez
June 09, 2002 -- June 04, 2017
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