At the back of Roberto Hernandez, left, was the former location of Image Restaurant Bar. It was renovated and changed the tiles like big chess board (black and white). It was in 1994 that Hudson told a couple of jokes to Roberto, Wilson Prima, Ma. Victoria Estonina and Masa Shibuta, the husband of Image owner/manager Margarita Borja Dalton, sitting 4th from left. Her daughter Debbie Toribiong is on her left while her granddaughter Marina Toribiong is on her lap. Others sitting are Karen Hernandez, left, and Marifa Medalla. Next to Roberto is his wife Flor, Gloria Osarch, Willie Medalla, Alice Medalla, ?? and Hermie. At the farthest back row, Romeo Coritico, Estonina and Nilda Raquinio. (Photo by Roberto Hernandez)
TWO GOOD JOKES FROM
HUDSON IN 1994
Plentiful
The Discovery Tours boat has plenty of tourists that day. They acquire fishing license for those who would like to fish while on their way to the famous Rock Islands.
There's an American who caught a big grouper. After securing the fish to the boat, he took a tape measure to get the size of the fish, weigh it and put out his expensive Parker ball pen to list down the figures on his small notebook.
After doing that, he throws his expensive Parker ball pen to the ocean! A boastful act to impress the other tourists that he is well off. They asked, "Why did you throw it to the ocean?"
HE REPLIED, "PLENTY IN AMERICA.!!!"
Minutes later, a Japanese caught a big barracuda! He is aware of its sharp teeth so he gets a thick gloves, took the hook out of the mouth of barracuda and after securing it, he put out his brand new calculator to compute the length, weight and other details of the fish.
Then he throw the calculator to the ocean! The American, the Palauan boat operator and many other tourists asked him, "Why did you throw your calculator to the ocean?"
THE JAPANESE REPLIED, "PLENTY IN JAPAN!!!"
A few seconds later, the Palauan boat operator caught a very big yellow fin tuna! He knows what to do with it. He gets the big stick with hook and by himself, he was able to put the tuna to the boat. Two tourists from Mainland China tried to help him. The Palauan boat operator threw them to the ocean! All of the other tourists asked him, "Why did you throw the Chinese to the ocean?"
HE REPLIED, "PLENTY IN PALAU!!!"
WASHY-WASHY,
RINSU-RINSU
Japan's most popular detergent salesman was assigned in Africa to convince Africans how good is their detergent is.
He knocks at one of the houses' door as he is selling the detergent doing house-to-house strategy.
A young African housewife opens the door and he started to use his 'sweet talking' technique by asking the housewife to try his detergent. He brings with him a small basin for a sort of 'showcase'.
He asks the wife, "I want to prove to you that our detergent is the best in the world. Could you please take off your blouse and I will wash it in front of you?"
The wife gave him the blouse and after asking for some water, he started to wash it by hand while saying, "washy, washy!" (which means washing, washing).
He will say, "rinsu, rinsu" (which means rinsing, rinsing) while rinsing the blouse. After rinsing it twice, he will smell the blouse ---hmm, hmm, nice smell.
And then he will ask the wife to smell it too.
The wife is convince of the nice and different smell of their detergent so when he asked her to take off her bra and he will wash it also, the wife agrees.
There he goes again, "washy-washy, rinsu-rinsu, hmm, hmm, and smell and ask the wife to smell also. The wife is really convinced and she is expecting that the salesman will ask her to take off his panty for the final testing.
THE SALESMAN DID THE SAME --"WASHY-WASHY".
"RINSU-RINSU",
HMM, HMMM, SMELL...
"WASHY-WASHY" (AGAIN!)
"RINSU-RINSU" (AGAIN!)
HMM, HMMM, SMELL....
"WASHY-WASHY, RINSU-RINSU...
***In the "Plentiful" joke of Hudson, the original person that the Palauan boat operator had thrown to the ocean is his Filipino assistant. That year (1994), about one fourth of Palau population are Filipinos. Hudson apologized to me after telling that joke.
This year (2015), 62% of Palau tourists are from Mainland China. It makes the joke up-to-date.
It is very disappointing if the punch line of a joke was not published due to graphics designer's mistake...
In the 600th issue of Chess Mate at Tia Belau Newspaper, graphics designer Joel didn't do the real title as "Chess Jokes Part 4" and do the title of the first joke "Long Hours At The Beauty Parlor" instead.
The 2nd joke of this issue "Never Lose On A Bet" makes a reader thinks that there's not much news about chess because the title don't even mention that it's a chess joke...
NEVER LOSE ON A BET
A
European FIDE Master is a regular depositor of considerable amount of money
every month. It was noticed by the Bank Manager and investigated the FIDE
Master. He noticed that the guy has no job so he’s curious where he is getting
the money that he’s depositing every month.
The
next month, after depositing again some money, he was told by the bank teller
that the Bank Manager wants to talk to him.
“I’m just curious of how you
were able to deposit those amounts, since you are jobless according to my
research of your records. Your earnings in chess competitions are not that good
to be able to deposit big amounts.”
“How do you earn those monies?”
The FIDE Master replied, “I
earned those through betting. I never lose on a bet. I’m betting you $20,000.00
that your ‘balls’ are square!”
The Bank Manager ‘touched’ his
‘balls’. He’s very sure that it’s not square. In his mind, it’s time for this
guy to lose on a bet and said, “Okay, deal. Where and when do you want to prove
that it’s square?”
They agreed on a date. The FIDE
Master has just had one request –He wants the denomination of the money to be
$10,000.00 in one-dollar bills, $5,000.00 in 5-dollar bills and $5,000.00 in
quarter-dollar coins. Request granted!
When they meet in a secret
private place, the FIDE Master came with a guy with a heavy-looking brief
case where the amount of money and denomination that were agreed were put inside.
They started the process of
proving his ‘balls’ are not square. The Bank Manager put down his pants and the
FIDE Master started touching his balls many times. It’s really not square.
The Bank Manager jokingly said
to him, “Now, what did you say before that you never lose on a bet? You lost
now for the first time!”
The FIDE Master replied, “Yes, I
lose $20,000.00 to you BUT I bet that guy with me that I can touch your ‘balls’
without you getting mad at me for $50,000.00!”
Joel didn't put also the Chess Mate logo from April 23, 2011-2015...
That's why there is an editorial comment by a 'jealous' reader in the 601st edition of Chess Mate entitled "Enter The Dragon"...
ENTER THE DRAGON
Chess
players who adore the swashbuckling King’s Gambit are also smitten with the
audacious Sicilian Dragon.
As a
commentator once said, the Sicilian Dragon is “more than an opening, it’s an
aggressive style of playing, a way of seeing and understanding chess.”
The
Dragon, true to its name, is a fierce weapon in the hands of a player unafraid
of a fight, who relishes tactics, enjoys taking risks and loves to decimate his
opponent through an all-out attack.
The
Sicilian Defence in itself is already an aggressive reply to 1. e4. Black, by
breaking the symmetry at the first move, “lays down the challenge to White to
take the initiative before Black can!”
With
the Dragon variation, Black develops his pieces to maximize the strategic
pluses granted him in the Open Sicilian. “If White is to expose a defect in the
Dragon, it must be by a direct attack, and this leads to ferocious battles,
with White trying to checkmate the Black king via the h-file, while Black seeks
to gain counter-play down the c-file and on the long diagonal…
Even
Dragon endgames tend to be very sharp, with Black often possessing a swathe of
mobile pawns in return for an exchange, a piece or even a whole rook.”
The
Dragon variation’s main feature is the fianchetto of Black’s king bishop in a
bid to dominate the a1-h8 diagonal. Why this defense called the dragon? According
to an opening theorist, “Some people see a dragon in the Black pawn structure.
Others see a dragon in the play that results ---sharp and dynamic, with plenty
of sacrifices and combinations to keep you alert!”
According
to GM Andrew Soltis, while F. Y. Dus-Chotimirsky, a pre-Revolution Russian
master, was studying astronomy in Kiev in 1901, he noticed that Black’s pawns
on d6, e7, g6 and h7 resembled the pattern of the constellation Draco in the
sky, hence its name.
Draco
the dragon, astronomers say, is a circumpolar constellation, which means it
revolves around the North Pole. It can be seen all-year round. But Draco is
only present in the Northern Hemisphere, so those living in the Southern
Hemisphere—meaning you and I cannot see this long constellation.
For
the ancient Greeks, Draco was a horrible dragon that guarded a sacred spring
and slew the soldiers of Cadmus, the first king of Thebes, who had been sent to
gather water.
Cadmus
then fought the dragon and won. After the dragon died, the goddess Athena
appeared and told Cadmus to sow the ground with the creature’s teeth. The teeth
sprang up as a group of armed soldiers who helped Cadmus found Thebes.
The
Romans, for their part, called the dragon Ladon, the guardian of the golden
apples on a tree in a garden tended by the Hesperides, the daughters of Atlas.
It was Hercules who killed Ladon with an arrow, which allowed Atlas to enter
the garden and pluck the golden apples. But the goddess Hera was greatly
distressed by the death of Ladon and she placed the dragon in the heavens.
Palau
first titled player Candidate Master Bernardo Garcia, is an advocate of
Sicilian Dragon. He defeated National Master Roberto Hernandez in the 2012
Palau National Chess Championship by using this sharp and dynamic defense.
The
duo, who are roommate in the 2012 World Chess Olympiad in Istanbul, Turkey, are
playing side-by-side again (Board 3 and 1 respectively) in the 2014 World Chess
Olympiad in Tromso, Norway.
Whether
CM Garcia or Roberto will get a FIDE or CM title, along with Palau top player
Cyril Tomas Montel, Jr., Dennis Gonzales and Jeffrey Balbalosa, is remain to be
seen. GOOD LUCK, GUYS!
In one of the PCF Board meetings after the Palau Chess Team came back from 2014 World Chess Olympiad in Tromso, Norway, CM Garcia mentioned something about this photo. He said that he is not a chess representative of Palau Pacific Resort so he doesn't like the word "Garcia of PPR" which is the opposite of what Roberto is doing for Palau Royal Resort. He mentioned those PRR players a lot of times like "Paquito 'Pax' Suringa, Jr., Cafeteria Chief Cook of PRR" mostly included are their whole names and job positions. It's free anyway and it's one of the ways that Roberto is doing to promote chess and players' companies for more than 12 years.
What about if the results of these games is the other way around, will he be still not proud of representing PPR? Whether it's a loss or a win, it is still free.
Because of this, CM Garcia suggested that they will have to edit all my future articles at Tia Belau.
THEY WANT TO EDIT MY WRITINGS AT TIA BELAU!!!
The previous 3 editors of Tia Belau and the current one haven't edited my writings (except one) in the last 12 years.
Original Draft typed by Roberto at Palau Public Library
The edited and published version....
.jpg)
And they also planning to edit my posts at PCF website http://palau-chess.blogspot.com
HOW WILL THEY EDIT AN ARTICLE OR A POST THAT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT EXISTED MORE THAN 12 YEARS AGO?
Anyway, I agree with it but the last time that I send a future article in Tia Belau for their approval, ("Games of
2014
PNCC (Part 1)", I have problem with sending it. That's why I haven't
updated my Facebook account for 8 months because I have problem with
sending and uploading in yahoo mail.
I have free internet access at Palau Royal Resort 24 hours a day but the yahoo mail is very, very slow. Sometimes I have stayed awake till 4am to get the faster connection. It will take me 6 hours to upload a resized photo. And when I send it, an error notice will appear and when I send it again, the same notice will appear. Tito Cabunagan emailed me 7 months ago that I sent him the same message 6 times.
When "Games of 2014 PNCC (Part 1) was not sent, I resumed posting and writing articles at Tia Belau without their editing.
I have free internet access at Palau Royal Resort 24 hours a day but the yahoo mail is very, very slow. Sometimes I have stayed awake till 4am to get the faster connection. It will take me 6 hours to upload a resized photo. And when I send it, an error notice will appear and when I send it again, the same notice will appear. Tito Cabunagan emailed me 7 months ago that I sent him the same message 6 times.
When "Games of 2014 PNCC (Part 1) was not sent, I resumed posting and writing articles at Tia Belau without their editing.
The criticism about the "unqualified non-Palauans" was answered with this...
She is the youngest participant in the
women’s section of 2014 World Chess Olympiad. The daughter of Palauan Harvey
Sisior scored 2 wins and almost won her last game but couldn’t hang on to her
advantage. Typical of a youngster, her time management still needs improvement.
It’s written on the website …. “Destiny Sisior, 10 years old, from Palau. No
words are needed…”
(Photo by Eric Ksau Surangel Whipps)
CHINA -- 1st CHESS OLYMPIAD
OPEN TITLE; BREAKTHROUGH
FOR PALAU CHESS
CHINA -- 1st CHESS OLYMPIAD
OPEN TITLE; BREAKTHROUGH
FOR PALAU CHESS
THE 2014 World Chess Olympiad in
Tromso, Norway has broken many records in terms of participating nations with
these facts and figures—
It was held from Aug. 01-14,
2014 with 11 days of competitions. It’s the first time that a Chess Olympiad
has been arranged in the North of Norway—and this is the largest sporting event
ever held there AND the 4th LARGEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE WORLD
MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF PARTICIPATING COUNTRIES… 174.
There are 1,800 participating
players and team captains. There are 174 teams competing in the open section
and 137 teams competing in the women’s section.
There are 250 accredited
journalists and a whooping 3,000 total participants. THE ESTIMATED ONLINE
AUDIENCE IS 100 MILLION PEOPLE!
The Chess Olympiad Arena have
7,500 square meters of playing venue that used to house Mack—the world’s
Northernmost brewery.
The Opening and Closing Ceremony
was held at Skarphallen.
The Palau Open (Men) Team, who
has an average rating of 1796 and is seeded 149, is composed of 1. Jamie
Kenmure (Team Captain); 2. Roberto Hernandez (1845 rating – Board 1); 3. Cyril
Tomas Montel, Jr. (1848 – Board 2); 4. CM Bernardo Garcia (1769—Board 3); 5.
Dennis Gonzales (1720—Board 4) and Jeffrey Balbalosa (1723—Board 5/Reserve).
It’s the first Chess Olympiad
that Palau has a women’s team, who has an average rating of 1545 and is
composed of 1. Eric Ksau Surangel Whipps (Team Captain); 2. Angelica Parrado
(1628—Board 1); 3. Baby Edna Mission (1546—Board 2); 4. Gladys Anne Paloma
(1472—Board 3); 5. Destiny Sisior (1536—Board 4) and Joy Flores Whipps
(1305—Board 5/Reserve).
BOTH OPEN/MEN AND WOMEN’S TEAMS
OF PALAU HAVE QUALIFIED PLAYERS ACCORDING TO THE RULES OF WORLD CHESS
FEDERATION (FIDE). Three of them have been playing active chess since 2002, one
since 2004, one since 2009, one since 2010 and the rest at least 2 years of
active participation in the latest chess tournaments (local or international).
Destiny Sisior is the youngest
participant in this Chess Olympiad and she was featured in national television,
newspaper and official website of the event. At the closing ceremony, she was
shown (close-up) at least 5 times. People are recognizing her during check-in of
Palau team in going back to Manila via Bodo, Norway-Oslo, Norway-Helsinki,
Finland and to Hong Kong.
At the Opening Ceremony, when
Palau name was called, all 12 team members, in complete uniform, stand up,
shouted and greeted the audience. It was one of the loudest and some people
said, “Palau?” “Where is Palau?”
The Palau team also has a
souvenir photo with Tromso Mayor Jens Johan Hjort and Susan Polgar, 4-time former
Woman World Chess Champion. She is now the trainer/coach of Philippine top
player Wesley So, who skipped this event to be the coach of USA Open team.
In the first round, the Men/Open
team was fitted against Colombia, who has 1 Grandmaster (GM) and 3
International Masters (IM) while the Palau women’s team is up against the
Philippine team. Both Palau teams were swept by their respective opponents with
Roberto bowing to GM Jaime Alexander Cuartas in 55 moves of Bird’s Opening and
Angie succumbed to WIM Cheradee Camacho.
Another sweep by their opponents
in the 2nd round where the men/open team facing IPCA (International
Physically Disabled Chess Association) with Roberto bowing to Russian IM Andrey
Ododchuk, who became his friend on Facebook later.
In the 3rd round,
Roberto averted a shutout from Guam, who also had all 6 of their members
Philippine citizens. Cyril won the queen of his opponent, Rudolph Soriano, but
can’t convert his advantage and lost instead. Thus, Roberto scored the first
half point of Palau team in this Olympiad.
CM Bernard Garcia did it in 2012
World Chess Olympiad. After being swept in the first 3 rounds by Qatar, Iraq
and Maldives, he scored a draw against Hong Kong and won his next 3 games to
give Palau its first title by scoring 3.5 points in 7 games or 50% performance.
Angie likewise scored the first
half point of Palau women’s team with a draw against his African opponent in
the 4th round, where Roberto rested and the Open/Men team was swept
by Honduras. Angie is ahead in material and position but she doesn’t want to
lose the women team’s first half point.
After 11 rounds, China won its
first Olympiad gold in Open section followed by Hungary and India, another
Asian powerhouse without former 5-time world champion Viswanathan Anand.
Current world champion Norwegian
Magnus Carlsen played at Board 1 for Norway. He lost 2 straight in the 9th
and 10th round and didn’t play in the final round (11th).
THERE WILL BE MORE NEWS ABOUT
THE OLYMPIAD on the NEXT ISSUE.
Solution to last week’s puzzle:
(The same as last week’s issue)
This week’s puzzle: White to
move and mates in 3 (Solution next issue)
Source: Chess Mate by Roberto Hernandez
Tia Belau Newspaper
Pages 10-11
Volume 23
Issue 68
August 25, 2014
THE WORST PART IS -- HE MISSED THE PUNCH LINE OF THE JOKE "FATHER AND SON - PROUD OF EACH OTHER" IN THE 599th ISSUE OF CHESS MATE...
FATHER AND SON -- PROUD OF EACH OTHER
Although
he didn’t say it literally, Feliciano Hernandez, Roberto’s dad, expressed it
with emotions of how proud he is to have a good chess playing son.
More
than 40 years ago, the Hernandez family visited their grandmother’s house with
Roberto focused on the friendly chess games being played at the front of their
neighbor’s house. When the players asked Roberto if he’d like to play, he
replaced the player who lost. The ‘format’ of their play is—you stay seated as
long as you keep on winning.
Roberto
easily disposed the first 6 different players. He saw from the emotions of his
dad that he is very proud of him as he didn’t know that Roberto is really good
at chess.
After
beating the next 3, some people from the crowd suggested to call their best
player, who resides about 30 meters from the site. When he played against
Roberto, HE ALMOST GOT A DRAW! (Still, Roberto wins).
‘Tata
Nano’, Feliciano’s nickname, has been very proud of Roberto about music this
time, when his youngest son Bernardo brought a keyboard and Roberto played it
with fast and slow songs.
When
Roberto is playing “The End of The World” by Lennon Sisters, Tata Nano is being
congratulated by Celerina Dionisio Jumaquio, one of Roberto’s guitar teachers.
They have been to Japan as musician with Roberto for 6 months in Kagoshima City
and Celerina and her husband Rading 17 times in one place-Fukushima, the
hardest hit city of earthquake and tsunami in March 2011.
While
in Korea, Ka Rina (Celerina’s nickname) relate to Roberto why they are denied
Japanese visa for the first time in going to the same place for the 18th
times-- IT’S GOD’S WAY TO SAVE THEM FROM THE DESTRUCTIVE EARTHQUAKE AND
TSUNAMI!
Tata
Nano would like to return the favor that Roberto will be proud of him although
not in chess and music but through other ways. They own a female water buffalo
(carabao). When it gave birth, there’s lot of milk to get from the female
carabao.
Nana
Simeona, Roberto’s mom, would used the empty bottles of vinegar, liquor or soy
sauce, to put the very fresh carabao’s milk and sell it at the market early in
the morning. While walking going there, she will not reach the market as the
milks are sold out on her way!
Roberto’s
breakfast during that time is—freshly cooked steaming rice with carabao’s milk
and a little salt. On the 2nd serving, he will add sugar this time
and presto! He’s got dessert!
That
water buffalo is the one they use to till the land for rice planting. Today,
they used tractors and water buffalos became a source of meat instead of
expensive beef.
Tata
Nano thought of one way to make Roberto proud of him through carabao milking
contest held every year. Contestants are given 5 minutes to milk the carabao
and whoever got the most milk wins. There are 4 contestants with varying ages
with Tata Nano as the oldest at 88.
The
first contestant from San Agustin hamlet milked half bucket of milk. People
applauded. The 2nd contestant from San Jose hamlet produced more
than half bucket of milk. More applause from the crowd as the first one was
eliminated. The 3rd contestant from San Pascual hamlet produced the
most as he almost filled the bucket. A thundering applause from the crowd as
the first 2 were eliminated.
It’s
time now for Tata Nano. He’s slow and was able to produced only one glass.
BUT
HE WON THE CONTEST! HOW?
HE
MILKED A MALE CARABAO!
I showed Joel how he messed up a good joke, THE PUNCH LINE IS MISSING...
HOW?
HE MILKED A MALE CARABAO!"
is missing!
Joel checked the original draft of that issue and he found out that he really missed the last part (or the punch line of the joke).
He apologized (again!). I reminded him also of one of the photos that I submitted to him. The leading character in that issue is Jamie Kenmure. When the issue was published, Jamie Kenmure is not in the photo. He cropped Jamie out of the photo! The leading character!
: PALAU VS. BURUNDI-- NORWEGIAN TV INTERVIEW
The crew of Norway National TV interviewed the players from Palau and
Burundi at the 8th round of 2014 WCO. At left is Jamie Kenmure, who
was bullied by a PNG player in round 1. Geoffrey Borg, 2nd from
right, came to Palau twice for chess development and FIDE Trainers Seminar.
Lower board players Cyril Tomas Montel, Jr., Dennis Gonzales and Jeff Balbalosa
won their games but top board Roberto Hernandez lost to Yves Ndikumana, whom he
defeated by default in 2012 WCO in Istanbul, Turkey.
And this is what was published...
Sources: Chess and Music (Perfect Combination)
The Beginning of Chess in Palau
By Roberto Hernandez
June 09, 2002-April 23, 2015
To be published as a book in the future
Chess Mate by Roberto Hernandez
Tia Belau Newspaper
December 29, 2002 - April 20, 2015
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